LauraCatoe.com

Well, I said I wouldn’t, but then I did. I told myself I would wait at least 6 weeks before trying on my pre-pregnancy clothes. But the weather is getting warmer and I pulled out my warm weather clothes and… yeah, they don’t fit.

I gained 35 pounds with my pregnancy and have lost 20 of it. I think that’s pretty good, but it means I still weigh 15 pounds more than I did when I could wear all my “normal” clothes.

I’m bored with my maternity pants and I hope to fit into my old wardrobe eventually, so I don’t want to go buy a bunch of new stuff. I knew I shoulda waited! Cause post-pregnancy or no, it’s depressing to pull on stuff I could wear last May and look like a stuffed sausage.

If the new mom version of me weighs an extra 15 pounds, I guess that’s okay. The new mom me also has new moles and a skin tag with a sense of humor. It’s in my lower left nostril, so it looks and feels like I constantly have a booger in my nose.

Ben, you are 4 weeks old today. You eat, cry and sleep a lot. But you’re worth going up a pants size and having people think I need to blow my nose.

We had a big day mapped out yesterday: we were going to take Ben to visit the gals at Rococo Hair Design in Trussville, stop by Target, run to Babies R Us and maybe, if we were lucky, hit the Cheesecake Factory and sit out on the patio. Mmmm.

We were not so lucky. As we approached the interstate, we saw GJ’s car pass us. It had been in the shop and was being delivered back to her. I whipped out my cell phone to call and say “hey, your car is on its way!” I got a busy signal. I waited a few minutes and tried again. Busy.

I understand that it makes my grandmothers mad when they cannot get me on the phone, cause I always fume when I can’t reach them. My fuming goes like this: “and they get mad at me cause they have to leave me a voicemail? They don’t even have call waiting! Or answering machines!”

We were going to Babies R Us first, since it is the fartherest away (furtherest point?) - since it is way out there in Wildwood - and we were about 10 minutes away when Kris’ cell phone rang. (I missed the call cause my phone was in my purse on the floorboard - yes, grandmothers, I never answer your call cause I hate you. It has nothing to do with logistics.) It was Brad Condray calling us to say GJ was in the emergency room.

GJ had a stroke several years ago and sometimes she wonders if she’s had another one. Yesterday, she was unable to make fists with her hands or really use her arms well at all. And her blood pressure has been really high lately. She called her doc to ask if he could see her in the afternoon and he said with her symptoms, he’d rather she head straight to the hospital. She felt like she’d called us too much in the last 2 weeks about her car, so she called Brad.

The thing with the ER (if you’re not in Absolute Peril) is that you’re stuck there for hours, just waiting. Cause Brad got her there around noon, and we made it there to relieve him by 3pm. The docs decided around 4:30 to admit her, but she didn’t get a room until 6, and we didn’t head home until 8.

And basically, once they decide to keep you in the late afternoon? They ain’t doin’ nothing else until the next day. So blood work, x-rays, etc. and we still know nada. The doc did suggest it could be a pinched nerve in her neck from when she fell in the middle of the night a few weeks ago. Who knows. She hates being in the hospital. I would, too. And I’d hate being left alone in the hospital, but Kris and I are her only local family and we have a newborn.

Ben did stellar in the ER. We carried him in the Baby Bjorn, which he is just barely big enough for. He made it through a diaper change in the back seat, at the foot of GJ’s ER cot and on the other bed in her “real” hospital room all without shrieking (which he sometimes does during diapering) or peeing everywhere (which he is also known to do).

Kris was surprised at how many nurses went out of their way to come see the little baby. It’s very true: a wee one is so a babe magnet.

My goal for today had been to go to Hobby Lobby and get the yarn to start knitting Elias (Zach and Kristie’s incubating boy child) a baby blanket. I haven’t been to knitting since Ben was born and tonight was gonna be my night! But the whole GJ in the hospital thing probably puts a kink in my plans. What are you gonna do?

Ben babe, you are three weeks old today. You can lift your noggin pretty good, so I guess holding up the whole head shant be far behind. You crack almost smiles, but I cannot wait until you can laugh. I bet it’ll be the cutest thing. Your nickname this week is “boobie gobbler.”

I find that there are already parenthood subjects I don’t want to broach on the blog because I don’t want to be judged. It all seems to be emotionally charged territory, and I don’t feel secure about a lot of it. We’re just new parents trying to find our groove.

It makes me a little sad to not feel free to vent out of fear. Sad that I don’t trust others to be compassionate and understanding and sad that I don’t feel I can weather the negativity. Alas.